active-ism
I don’t feel like I’m in a rut, exactly, but I feel like I’m at one of those inflection points where if I’m going to accomplish any of the things I want to do then I need to just get going on them, or else life is just going to march right along and I’ll feel like I’ve missed something. It’s been over a year and a half since I moved now, and a lot of times I still don’t feel completely settled. The house is a work in progress, which I can accept because frankly it’s just going to take a while, but my problem is that I don’t feel like I have good routine, which isn’t going to work if I’m going to get anywhere. I want to be involved in things, I want to have a fuller life, I want to be energetic and active and more fully engaged with the world.
Last weekend, I signed up for a half marathon on August 27th, partly to give Kim company and partly because it sounded like a good idea, but as of right now I’ve got a long way to go to be ready. I’d been working out and was in decent enough shape at some point last year, but this year has been a total flop in that regard so far. I went for a six mile walk/run (more walk than run, to be honest) in the hills last weekend, and was unsurprisingly kinda sore for a few days. It’s a start, though. I feel at once like I have all this pent up energy (which is why I want to go out and get going on the things I want to do with my life), but also that I’m kind of worn out a bit by the daily grind. It feels worse because my job pretty much involves sitting at a desk most of the time, plus I’m sitting in the car for another 90 minutes or so of commuting time. All this sitting isn’t good, and while I don’t feel like I’ve really begun to atrophy just yet, the thought of it feels fairly dreadful.
So, anyway, the bottom line for me is the same one that has been my main obstacle for pretty much my entire life; not just getting organized, but having the discipline to stay organized. Not just my stuff, the things that clutter up my house and my life, but my time, my activities. I could float on and be okay, but I don’t want to be just okay. I can’t exactly put my finger on why, but I feel like this is an important moment for me. Even though I know I can and probably will try to meaningfully re-order my life next week, or next year, or whenever, for some reason I really think it needs to happen now.
